For me it’s all about the heart. If the heart of a conversation is to verbally process something in order to make healthy decisions and work toward healthy conflict, I feel okay to proceed (with safe people where it goes no further). If the heart is to tear down and commiserate and feel better about my own unforgiveness and anger...that’s the red flag of gossip.
That said there are times when I’m in fight or flight and I need to brain vomit to calm down. In those cases I try to use prayer, journaling, my therapist or my husband. Because if I’m talking to a person at that point I need it to be someone who can help me calm down, sit with me in my discomfort and point me back to that space where I’m ok.
Another aspect of this for me is not always needing to know what others are saying about me. I was hurt by a family gossip situation where my sister repeatedly came to me with very unkind things my mother said about me. She thought she was doing the right thing. I finally asked her not to tell me what was being said. I knew the unkind things weren’t true and hearing them caused unnecessary pain. Being “in the know” is a burden that usually isn’t necessary.
My youngest son taught me this recently & my conversations have been with less people and more with a few about Jesus! Connection is Him! Thank you for truth!
Such a strong and timely word. It reminds me that we must mature in Christ and this is one of many ways He wants us to grow in Him. Thank you for sharing your heart and application on this sensitive matter.
Writing a short comment to say I love your podcast(s) but every time I write a comment, this week & last week, it somehow disappears so perhaps God did not mean me to do so. I will try again later if time.
Oh my yes you hit it on the head. Learning processing with God first. I have had to stop and say to myself woah not where I am ant or need to be. Not going back to vomit all over people. Truly not healthy for me or anyone else. Put the boxing gloves on with God and we do the mess together. Not perfect at it at all but more and more taking God these and of course now my counselor.
I loved this conversation, because I'm currently asking Abba how to address concerns without 'complaining'. Your advice helped me to see some changes that I can make in my interactions. The challenge is to make connections with my colleagues and express my concerns in a healthy way that uplifts, as opposed to tearing down. Keeping the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. My God! Another challenge is not feeling left out or rejected when I choose to walk away from messy conversations. Only by His grace 🙌🏽
I truly needed this. We were talking about this in Sunday School. We said we all love to get our hair done, but at the same we don't because we all know...that turns into a gossip session (especially in our small town). Haha. I've gotten to where I plan accordingly for my conversations when I go into the hair appointment. I am also so thankful that I have a couple friends that I can process with and that will tell me the truth without having to know all the details.
I can remember finding out that gossip was a sin. I was taken back. I didn't realize that. And it's been at the fore front of my mind. I want to be comfortable enough in the silence to know that I don't have to fell the space with useless talk, that doesn't benefit anyone. And can end up hurting them. We should all be more mindful about what we say about others...would we want it said about us?
Thank you for this reminder...I think we need this in the "busy" season we are about to enter into. I don't know why it is, but we are more likely to gossip about our families, especially in this time when we should be praising our Savior.
Thank you so much for this. I know that I have been guilty in the past. Right now, however, I am struggling with my husband and his dad and step mom. When he is on the phone with them or he goes to visit them. They are constantly talking about other people. I wonder often what they're saying about me. I have shared something with my husband and set specifically that this was just between him and I and then heard him later talking to somebody else about that thing or had that person come back to me and tell me that he told them about it.
Their behavior has made me very aware of what I say or don't say to other people. I use caution and test everything I say before I say it in order to figure out: if it is gossip, if I am looking for recognition that I should be looking to God for, or if it is something that actually needs to be said at that time, pace and with that person or group.
For me it’s all about the heart. If the heart of a conversation is to verbally process something in order to make healthy decisions and work toward healthy conflict, I feel okay to proceed (with safe people where it goes no further). If the heart is to tear down and commiserate and feel better about my own unforgiveness and anger...that’s the red flag of gossip.
That said there are times when I’m in fight or flight and I need to brain vomit to calm down. In those cases I try to use prayer, journaling, my therapist or my husband. Because if I’m talking to a person at that point I need it to be someone who can help me calm down, sit with me in my discomfort and point me back to that space where I’m ok.
Another aspect of this for me is not always needing to know what others are saying about me. I was hurt by a family gossip situation where my sister repeatedly came to me with very unkind things my mother said about me. She thought she was doing the right thing. I finally asked her not to tell me what was being said. I knew the unkind things weren’t true and hearing them caused unnecessary pain. Being “in the know” is a burden that usually isn’t necessary.
My youngest son taught me this recently & my conversations have been with less people and more with a few about Jesus! Connection is Him! Thank you for truth!
Such a strong and timely word. It reminds me that we must mature in Christ and this is one of many ways He wants us to grow in Him. Thank you for sharing your heart and application on this sensitive matter.
Thank you, as always, for sharing your wisdom with us!
Amen! Thank you for this teaching.
Writing a short comment to say I love your podcast(s) but every time I write a comment, this week & last week, it somehow disappears so perhaps God did not mean me to do so. I will try again later if time.
Oh my yes you hit it on the head. Learning processing with God first. I have had to stop and say to myself woah not where I am ant or need to be. Not going back to vomit all over people. Truly not healthy for me or anyone else. Put the boxing gloves on with God and we do the mess together. Not perfect at it at all but more and more taking God these and of course now my counselor.
I loved this conversation, because I'm currently asking Abba how to address concerns without 'complaining'. Your advice helped me to see some changes that I can make in my interactions. The challenge is to make connections with my colleagues and express my concerns in a healthy way that uplifts, as opposed to tearing down. Keeping the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. My God! Another challenge is not feeling left out or rejected when I choose to walk away from messy conversations. Only by His grace 🙌🏽
I truly needed this. We were talking about this in Sunday School. We said we all love to get our hair done, but at the same we don't because we all know...that turns into a gossip session (especially in our small town). Haha. I've gotten to where I plan accordingly for my conversations when I go into the hair appointment. I am also so thankful that I have a couple friends that I can process with and that will tell me the truth without having to know all the details.
I can remember finding out that gossip was a sin. I was taken back. I didn't realize that. And it's been at the fore front of my mind. I want to be comfortable enough in the silence to know that I don't have to fell the space with useless talk, that doesn't benefit anyone. And can end up hurting them. We should all be more mindful about what we say about others...would we want it said about us?
Thank you for this reminder...I think we need this in the "busy" season we are about to enter into. I don't know why it is, but we are more likely to gossip about our families, especially in this time when we should be praising our Savior.
Thank you so much for this. I know that I have been guilty in the past. Right now, however, I am struggling with my husband and his dad and step mom. When he is on the phone with them or he goes to visit them. They are constantly talking about other people. I wonder often what they're saying about me. I have shared something with my husband and set specifically that this was just between him and I and then heard him later talking to somebody else about that thing or had that person come back to me and tell me that he told them about it.
Their behavior has made me very aware of what I say or don't say to other people. I use caution and test everything I say before I say it in order to figure out: if it is gossip, if I am looking for recognition that I should be looking to God for, or if it is something that actually needs to be said at that time, pace and with that person or group.
Thank you for this. It has helped me a lot.